Survive Monday/Random Nonsense

“Good Morning. How are you?”

There are the words I hear 
every
single
day,
In hallways en route to my desk.
Constant comments of random nonsense
to which, the asker never stops 
or slows down to hear the answer. 
“How are you” becomes rhetorical. 
No care as to whether I’m really okay or about to die. 

One day, maybe on a Monday
which is best for additional gibberish
of “How was your weekend?” usually
followed by more random nonsense,
I will plan my strategy well. 

Let’s face it,
If you don’t want to hear how my Tuesdays through
Thursdays start or end,
we are obviously not close friends.
So no, I will not tell you about my weekend.
Instead, on Mondays, 
when asked “How are you?” 
I will try out one or more, 
or any variation of the following four:

One: “It was great! Until I ate…Oh no, not again!” 
Followed by a mad dash in the opposite direction 
of a restroom, to see if anyone will yell, 
“You’re going the wrong way!”

Two: “It was great! Finally, she’s dead”
I will then stand there staring straight ahead
As if pondering the existence of life itself.

Three: “Horrible. May I
sleep in your spare bed or on your couch this week?”
I’ll save this for those I know the least.

Four: “Huh? Where am I? Oh, I’m at work. Good, they’ll never find me here!”
I’ll move in closer and whisper, as I look to the ceiling, 
“See it right there?”

For extra fun, I may follow this poor victim 
For about two minutes,
Long enough to observe reactions
and antagonize briefly with my presence.

Moral of the story?
Avoid meaningless conversations.
If you don’t want to hear what I have to say
Don’t ask questions.
I’d much prefer a smile 
and total avoidance of random nonsense.

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