Realizing Self

Posted: February 23, 2014 in Rocks in my path, Wonderful Humans
Tags: , , , , ,

As I was listening to “Radio Nowhere” by Bruce Springsteen, and for those who will judge me by this opening sentence, shove it because I love the storytelling from the Boss and his ability to make me happy, mellow, reflective, etc. Anyway, as I was listening to this, I had the sudden urge to call my dad. It wasn’t because he introduced me to Bruce’s music or because he lives in Jersey, it was as a result of the memory of my dad recounting stories about the famous people he’s met, one of whom is Bruce Springsteen, and of how nice or spoiled or horrible they were, and about how some of the staff who work for the celebrities use their jobs to get what they want – sometimes good, sometimes bad.

While that may sound all high class and well-connected, it isn’t one of those stories. My dad has a grueling full-time job but chose to get a part time job because he considers laziness a sin (keep reading and you’ll see the irony with using the word “sin”), and that a mind and body that is not in motion is not living up to its potential. So to those who know me, yes, maybe that’s where I get it from. Anyway, for my dad, fame or a celebrity status does not affect him the way it affects or make a mark on most people. The funny part is that when he first immigrated to the U.S., he had no clue as to who many of the people were, and whenever he told me about his day at work, he’d casually mention the name or, back then, butcher the name in a crazy way. In his description of the workday, he’d almost have a snippet about someone offering him cash tips, tickets, future favors, etc. but he always refused. Hi belief is that by treating everyone the same, he will be afforded the same good treatment. For him, that’s karma. Once, when he said to someone rich and famous, “I can’t. It’s not right for my job and it’s not good karma” with regard to a $500 tip being offered, the rich’s response was, “Well I guess that’s how the poor stay poor”, to which he replied, “I am not, nor was I ever poor” and smiled. When he told me that I remember thinking, “Take the money! You have bills to pay!”. He must have known what I was thinking because he said, “There’s always going to be bills. It just is.”

Interestingly enough, internally screaming, “Take the money!” is not how I was raised but there I was, thinking that bills and a comfortable way of living was a necessity. Around that time is when I realized that I’d strayed a little form my  paths to truth. I remember having ferocious internal conflicts between my desire to be and do good and several of my jobs, which over the years have been in very fast-paced and competitive for profit environments. Why? I believe it’s because I was living (for most of my life at that point) in a culture where giving is not as easily or handsomely rewarded as receiving and fighting for self. Yet, everything in me used to, and now recently, once again reminds that in order to be happy, I need to give happiness; in order to receive wealth and peace, I have to give wealth and peace to others who need it and to those who may not know they need it. Granted, this may not be as easy to do as one would hope because in order for me to give away good vibes, happiness, love in any form, etc., I must already have these things.

So that’s where I am, honing and gathering so that I can give it away as needed – love, happiness, good vibes, etc. How am I doing that? Well, for starters I’ve returned to the basics. They include, but are not limited to:

  • Yoga and sticking to a consistent workout regimen.
  • Meditation (but still falling short of being able to focus fully)
  • Eating healthier and sticking to my food plan regardless of my job’s demands to skip lunch, eat on the run, etc.
  • Battling my demons. This one in particular is hard because I’m now becoming friends with the things I once called, demonic bastards. In so doing, I also realize that my demons aren’t that bad. (Sorry guys…you were a part of me all along and just ’cause I was told you were bad, I cast you out and called you names. I won’t anymore. Promise!)
    In hiding my true self – in all forms – I was hiding myself, my full self. There is no such thing as sin in my world, just aspects of humans that are…therefore, I will stop this ‘beating me down” type of thinking and embrace all that is me. I will love me. And I will be kind to me. When I fall, I will pick me up, examine my body, heart and soul for bruises and broken parts, and I will give me all that I need to get better.
  • Giving love in all forms. This includes looking at every good and bad situation as just that – a situation that we are in at the moment. Also, I will remind myself that good and bad are different aspects of the same thing.
  • Stress free thoughts and life in general. This is another tough venture. My fast paced, drive-me-crazy-at-times career is something I’ve honed over the years and am good at (yes, I said it). However, to be good at something doesn’t mean that you’re doing it in the best way. Therefore, I am working on not getting anxious or upset when I’m given deadlines that are unrealistic and unattainable. I have found ways to calmly explain in the acceptable forms of communication (Executive Summary to ROI/Cost Benefit Analysis) why the deadlines may not be met and let the chips fall where they may. After all, I can only be the vessel and the builder and the dreamer and the designer, and so on. I cannot control the person asking for a product, item, etc. and I surely cannot control that person’s expectations. However, I can mold the perceptions as well as my responses and reactions – therein lies the remedy for a more stress free life!

What are some of the things that make you happy in life? What makes you less stressed? What keeps you grounded and focused on your goals? What makes you tick? What makes you who you are?

Oh, and for those who want to know why I love “Radio Nowhere” by Bruce Springsteen, here’s a link to one of his live performances (the best way to experience Springsteen) of the song in NYC:

  1. amediablogger says:

    Knowing that every day I try to be true to myself and those around me keeps me feeling good. Aware that the simple things in life are the best.

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