Archive for the ‘Rocks in my path’ Category

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Sayu Bhojwani: Immigrant voices make democracy stronger
https://go.ted.com/Cy3H

​”Trying to fit a social construct when you’re not part of that social group to begin with, means you’ve already failed. Put your energy elsewhere. People from all ethnicities, genders, sexual orientation and abilities will let you down because they’re people. Some with the mightiest agendas and hordes of followers are the first to fall because they start believing their own greatness. All heros are assholes at some point. Buddha wasn’t always the Buddha, Mother Teresa didn’t value all groups equally, Gandhi tested himself by using others including young girls, and so on. Too many want a hero so they blindly trust. Worship no one and trust no human who tells you how to…” – 

-Conversations with my father. 

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When you’re the happiest semi sad person around, it can get weird. Mostly in your head. But if it’s weird there, then I’m sure it’ll get weird in other areas too. What is this “semi sad happy”?

It’s when you’re happy, have a lot going for you, but still feel sad about something or someone. I guess that happens to most people and it’s normal? For example, if you’re having a good time with friends but missing someone, or if you’re seemingly contentedly doing something you usually enjoy, like maybe reading a book, enjoying rays of sunshine, sitting by a body of water, playing with a fur baby or an actual baby but wish someone else were there with you, this is semi sad but happy. Also, I say, “semi”, because you’re not full blown sad amd down and out, just not completely happy or fully at peace.

Either way, it feels odd being the happiest semi sad person. Or maybe it’s just a reaction to a mind itch. Like, does the person I miss, miss me too? Does the person I wish were here, want to be here? Our minds never let us rest but I’m thinking it’s because we don’t allow our minds to do just that – rest. Resting, relaxation, and self evaluation may help. So umtil I get the answers, I’ll just sit and stir thoughts into my dark, brooding mind and reflect. The mind itch needs to be scratched.

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When I’m sad, hurt, frustrated or scared, I wish I believed in religion. Any religion. It seems that many religious people can wrap their worries and scares up into bundles and give it to someone or something, thus leaving them relaxed and refreshed to go on with their lives.

But I’m not religious. I grew up immersed in a myriad of religious beliefs – from Hinduism, Buddhism, Catholicism (even went to Catholic school), several forms of Christianity, and with close ties to Islam. With all of that, you’d think I’d be at least one and a half of something, right? Nope. I’ve found that many of these holy books, from what I’ve learned and read, provide similar messages in different ways. However, I haven’t been able to find texts proving there’s a God to worship without these items having first gone through numerous translations or cleansing efforts by kings and other leaders at the time, and don’t require discussion, or understanding, or studies of some kind today to decipher. Sure, I think there are some good life lessons to be found in holy books because there are, I just don’t subscribe to a religious belief or live as if there is a God of some entity ruling every aspect of my life, demanding that I have a particular belief or set of thoughts on everyday life issues. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with believing. It’s just not for me.

So here I am, stuck, somewhat, relying on myself, my value system and my sometimes fading sanity, to get through life’s sharp turns, and deal with the bony elbows to the ribs, and knocked knees to my forehead. But I will. Maybe with a mild concussion. As will you. Even if you don’t know it yet. And maybe without being concussed.

I hope that soon we will all figure out that we’re all on the same path together, no matter the religion, culture, or even political party. I hope we can find ways to steer clear of hate in all forms, or stand strong in the face of it, as we enhance our lives, beliefs, and show each other love. Because that’s really what’s needed – more love – regardless of our past, our present and our circumstances. When has hate ever solved anything? I know when I’m frustrated I’m more inclined to make a stupid choice. Don’t be me on stupid.

So while I don’t believe in a particular God, nor do I believe in the world’s most popular religions, I see that their tenets of love and kindness are being ignored. As I deal with my own issues of hurt, frustration, loss, and others things that go bump in my head, I hope you can too.

Love ya! 😉

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words have weight

I’m a native English speaker. Who’s originally from an Island in the Caribbean so the English terms and dialect with which I am familiar stem from several areas – formally from a British school system for many  formative years, and informally from a mixed bag of Caribbean slang and terms with a heavy dose of influence from living for many years on the East Coast in the U.S. The accent? Well, it’s been described as a a crazy mixture of  several states within the U.S. and when I’m tired (or a little drunk), an accent from my homeland. All of this leads to why at times, language is this crazy barrier to my understanding of cliches, colloquialism, slang, etc. You see, it’s not that I don’t understand the words because I do. It’s because when certain words are strung together in a phrase that I don’t understand, my mind tries to pick them apart separately and then insert the meaning.  I can’t even begin to imagine what non-english speakers go through with the multiple translations in their heads and in their understanding when they move to the U.S.!

I also realize that while some people, even those who are close to me, confuse me and in turn, I am sure I confuse them! Even though we’ve communicated with each other for years and for hours on end, there’s almost always some confusion. Granted, at times I’m probably just decoding at a slower pace, like when I’m tired or not paying attention so I won’t blame that on language in general. That’s just me catching on and relaying slower than I should.

However, there are times when I really need a solid answer maybe akin to a “yes” or a “no” and when it comes in the form of a colloquialism or a cliche or worse yet, slang, I’m totally lost and sometimes, heartbroken. Thoughts race in sentences like, “I thought we were past this”, or “What did I do wrong?”, or “Maybe something has changed?”, and so on. Then there’s context but that’s a whole ‘nother topic for a whole ‘nother day.

Yes, I realise that not every sentence or statement or question is going to be cut and dry or consist only of plain language for all to understand as language itself is a beautiful beast that can be oh so subjective. But when it’s an important life decision, whether it be a binding agreement or contract, or a relationship related issue, I really need it to be clear cut and understandable. To do this, I try to repeat in the plainest english terms I can think of, what I believe is being said or conveyed. Not because I think the other person is slow or dumb. In fact it’s the opposite. I realise I’m being the ignorant one and so to avoid entering into a binding agreement or losing a loved one over something that wasn’t even an issue to begin with, I have to break down my barriers. The problem is that unless the person knows me somewhat well, they may sometimes think I’m being a condescending ass. So I try to remind that I’m not trying to be an ass, I’m just trying to ensure I understand and that I’m confused by a particular phrase, etc. Sometimes they get it, sometimes they may wonder how the hell we got along all these years, but hey, here we are…

Words have meaning and these meanings change as language changes. Confusing words and lack of grammar at times, can cause interesting and not so entertaining mishaps, heartache and alarm. So as I continue to learn and grow with language, slang, colloquialisms, etc., and I’ll continue to keep an open mind. Because, well, words mean something and sometimes, they mean nothing, and then at other times, they mean everything.

 

Simple Definition of colloquial

  • : used when people are speaking in an informal way

  • : using an informal style

Full Definition of colloquial

  1. 1:  of or relating to conversation :  conversational

  2. 2a :  used in or characteristic of familiar and informal conversation; also :  unacceptably informal b :  using conversational style

(Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

words have power

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Image: google search dreamstime

I have nightmares of epic proportions at times. They’re so bad that the feelings of dread and being uncomfortable can last an entire day. What’s weirder to me is that sometimes I’ll have the same dream but with a different outcome, or have different thimgs happen in the same location, or even pick back up on the dream on a totally different night! I’m sure I’m not the only one because I’m not that freakishly special.

I’ve only ever told one person some of the crazy dreams because I think that person is strong enough to hear them and because to be honest, I don’t want others knowing how utterly fucked my mind is at times, apparently. And yes, I know these are not active thoughts so there’s little I can do to control them. However, since dreams supposedly mask life events or fears or goals, etc. or are abstract or very real indications of something else that may be occurring in life, I wish there was a magic decoder ring that would tell me what I need to know so I can keep life moving.

Sure, there are tons of resources online and books and people who claim they can interpret dreams. But I don’t really trust all of that. So here I am, about to go to sleep again on another night, following yoga and meditation.  If these two things don’t work, it’ll be another long day tomorrow. But you know what? The one thing I am getting better at, is disguising and pushing down the heartache, and the sense of dread as I try to give myself a mood boost and ignore the nightmares and these asinine creatures and humans in my head. Hell, maybe even my way of dealing with it, tje cover-up, is indicative of something as well. Who knows? Either way, I’m one edgy night creature. Just ask the truly fucked up characters in these head stories of mine.